I read all of your emails and just sit here and cry and cry...ha ha, its kind of ridiculous really.
Today,
its really hit me. I'm really really tired. I can barely walk. I'm
exercising, I'm trying to eat more healthful foods. (Just now that when
I get home, I'm going to be kind of a health-nut, so watch out)
I just don't know what else I can give.
Eva will like this comparison I'm about to make....
In
the first book of the Hunger Games, Katniss is in the Games and she's
just been burned by that fireball thing. She's really thirsty and she
is about to give up and die....That's how I feel. Like I can't find the
strength that I'm looking for and that I've been doing this for so long
that its almost easier to just let go.
Katniss thinks
that Haymitch should've sent water...why isn't he sending water or
something to help? She feels like he's given up on her and then she
realizes...He isn't sending her water as a sign- she's so close...she
just needs to keep going.
I want to make every day
count. I don't know how to feel satisfied with what I've done, because I
feel like that will make me complacent. I cannot NOT finish strong. It
would crush me. I'm trying my best though. I'm trying to measure my
limits by asking, ''could I do more right now?'' or ''do I need to sit
and take a rest or could I keep going?'' ...something like that.
I
wanted to say though- it is so great to see that Heavenly Father is
blessing you all in various ways. He IS mindful of us and what we need
and is always willing and ready to help us...especially when we ask and
thank Him for the help previously received. I am half amazed, half
un-amazed, because I know that its true- but each time it seems to be a
more specific and 'intimate' answer. A personal and deep yearning for
help. He's answered every prayer. Everything. There is no way He
doesn't exist or love us. things don't just happen like this. This is a
greater testimony that He is (Dio c'è!!!)
I am so
grateful for prayers and for the scriptures. Each time I read the
scriptures, I learn something new. BTW!!! I have finished the Book of
Mormon twice now in Italian and I am about 250 pages into my third
go-around....SO I'm going to read it 3 times! I'm going to be fluent.
Every time I open the Book of Mormon, I feel the Spirit telling me that
it is true and I feel that it completes the Bible because I read the
Bible and they share the same gift of love....I don't know how to
explain it in English.
BTW again....Eva I hope you're
ready to speak Italian with me for the rest of your life. I bet youìre
so good already and I can help you with your accent. Mom says you're
already great though and I believe her.--- I'll be your Italian cousin..
My name will be Valentina...or I don't know, you can choose. :)
It's
funny because sometimes I yell in Italian...I'm not angry really, but
something will fall...or a guy will cough on me...or ill get my foot
stuck in the bus door and (most times just in my head) Ill yell
something in Italian- I talk to myself mostly in Italian...like when
I'm tired I'm like...ok vai. alzati, andiamo. its fun. It helps me
remember and its good practice.
I'm sorry I don't have
much to talk about this week. We're trying to have a really good week
where we push ourselves...I don't know how much I have left to push, but
please pray that Heavenly Father will make up the difference.
---
I
cannot wait to hug you and kiss you and tell you in person that I love
you. That thought motivates me to keep going. It is like you said Mom,
I dont know how to stop, but I dont know how to keep going either.
I'll get there. I'm on my way. Its all more beautiful from the top.
I love you all with my whole soul. You are a source of great strength and love.
I
can't wait to be able to text you silly things and cook Italian food
for all of you. I can't wait to tell you all of the stories and to read
from the scriptures and pray with you. I love you all, Mommy, Tanney,
Evie. I love you!
FEEL MY LOOOOOVE :) I am here but know that I am sending my love your way.
This is my last transfer. 5 and a half weeks. I can do this. I'm going to do this. I'm doing it already!
I love you
I love you
I love you
Sorella Carlock
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